Pillow

Most people are creatures of habit. They always eat the same cereal for breakfast. They have a wee first thing. They complain about their kids not turning the lights off/putting the loo seat down/ tidying up… because that’s what they always do. 

Or in my husband’s case they have a nightly ritual that I like to call That’s Not My Pillow. 

That’s Not My Pillow occurs every night when my husband decides it’s time to go to sleep. He may just have gotten into bed or he may have been in bed a while, maybe reading. It doesn’t matter when he actually got into the bed but it will happen without fail the minute the lamp light gets turned off. 

When it’s lights out he will throw the surplus pillow/s on the floor by the bed, lie down and declare “That’s not my pillow”. This is when he will turn the pillow over and press his head down into it as if listening for a heartbeat only to re-iterate “Nope… that’s not my pillow!” At which point he has to sit up abruptly, taking the duvet with him, to pick up the discarded floor pillow/s and do it all over again. 

Now more often than not the floor pillow is his pillow but sometimes, and this is the maddening part, he tries it out only to say “No, no this is definitely not my pillow!” and then throws it back on the floor to return to the original without further complaint. 

I have decided enough is enough. So I have ordered some personalised pillow cases from notonthehighstreet.com 

You have to buy them in pairs so in my case each pillowcase says the same thing. Printed in the centre in simple easy-to-read letters is “this is your pillow“. And the bonus of having a pair means that when one is in the wash the other can be on the bed. Also all our bedding is white so I can just make sure his pillow is always on the bottom so you won’t ever really see the writing. I AM A GENIUS.

Now this was meant to be a jokey present for his birthday in September but after last night’s round of That’s Not My Pillow I have decided to bring it forward for Father’s Day. 

But ssshhh it’s a secret. 

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