Do you have it in black?

I am not a colourful person. Over the years friends and particularly my younger sister have despaired over my wardrobe. I wear a lot of black. Recently I branched out. My sister noticed. “Yes” I said in a superior tone “I wear navy now”.

I like simplicity. I don’t do frills. Or logos. Or zips. I don’t like fuss. If I find something that I do like you can guarantee I’ll have more than one of it. Like this cable knit sweater I just bought from GAP.

Is it me or is she pissed off you’re back late from the pub?

A classic design, it goes with everything. I bought it in black, grey and navy. I will wear them all Winter and people will think I only have one jumper.

I tend to buy sweaters in a size up as I quite like the I’ve-borrowed-my-boyfiend’s-jumper look. Plus I’ll inevitably shrink it in the dryer. I buy GAP tops and sweaters in “Tall”. At 5 ft 7 ish I’m hardly an Amazonian but I must have a freakishly long body and I cannot stand it when I bend over and my top rides up.

People make gagging faces when I praise GAP. “GAP is soooo boring!” they wail. Well, yes, that’s probably why I like it. White shirt with blue jeans, black top with blue jeans, navy quilted jacket with blue jeans… Fashion folk might call this a “capsule wardrobe”. They’re just things I can throw together without having to think about it.

Anyone that has been watching this year’s The Apprentice (Wednesdays, 9pm on BBC1) will have seen Ruth. Now Ruth seems like a lovely lovely lady. She’d be the one beaming at you at the yoga class held at UnGoldly o’clock on a Sunday morning. But… did you see her suit?

Can you spot her?

Now a lot of people LOVED Ruth’s suit. It was a splash of colour in a drab grey corporate world. But it gave me a migraine.

If you’re thinking ‘Nobody can be that dull!’… my favourite bit in Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t during the sex scenes (there are one or two) but the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in the opening credits when Christian stands in front of his wardrobe. Yes he has his shirt off (a bonus!) but did you see his clothes?!

My sister claims that’s what my wardrobe looks like! Except rather than a sea of white shirts and grey jackets it’s all black. She’s probably right.

I am trying to improve. I am trying to make an effort.

Black sunglasses, black top, black harem pants… silver Birkenstocks?

Shut up, it’s A START.